Part 9: Which describes life among the frat rats

Gender differences became apparent. The boys were less aggressive and more ready to be hand-tamed. Hand taming, in the case of a dwarf hamster, consists several steps:

1. Hamster stops shitting in your hand when it is picked up.
2. Hamster stops biting to draw blood.
3. Hamster stops biting and just squirms, unless you have food in your hand, in which case, it eats the food and then squirms.
4. Hamster is affectionate and friendly as it sits in your palm. (I just made this last step up.)

It was not long before Billy and I got to stage 3, but Baby remained at stage 2. He just gave my fingers irritated little nips until he was set back down. Hamsters are very excitable and have poor vision, so that their nips convey more than one idea. There is your "Have you forgotten that I don't like this?" nip and then your "I've forgotten. Are you edible?" nip. Jerking your hand away gets you the "huh?" look.

Gender differences in personal habits also became more apparent. The big hut was named Delta Phi house. Most of the time, though, the boys hung out in the little blue hut, which was now in one corner by itself. We could hear crunching noises in there ...and then every once in a while one waddled out to piss on the doorstep and went back in. While the pink satellite dish was outside, Ted swore that they were in there eating Fritos, tossing back tiny beers, and watching ESPN. Deciding that every fraternity needs a drinking song, he wrote the following:

     The Hamsters' Drinking Song

     Oh, we drink, drink, drink
     'til our bladder's on the brink,
     then we run around 
     pissing everywhere.

     You may think it's most unpleasant,
     just two hamster adolescents,
     who can't keep themselves from
     fouling their own lair.

     But the state you find so frightful,
     we ourselves find quite delightful,
     for it tells the world
     that hamsters have been there!

They had a fraternal relationship, too, in the sense that now and then I'd hear a faint squeak and look down to find them wrestling. They were always faintly shocked that I thought it was any of my business.

Other than that, it was difficult to figure out how they related to one another. As far as I could tell, their interactions were:

"Oh, is that your face? I thought it was a step."

"Get your butt off my food."